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WARREN BERNHARDT, PIANIST, WOODSTOCK, NY:

"They're like really weird, man. I think they were probably abducted by aliens years ago -- yeah, that would explain it."



BOB SHEPPARD, WOODWINDS, NORTH HOLLYWOOD, CA:

SHEP'S CHILE: Open large can of Lucky's Chili Con Carne, extra spicy. Insert gas station type oil spout into top of can. Put can directly on stove top burner. Cook over low heat to taste. Using insulated pot holder mitten, shake can periodically for even heat distribution. When steam escapes via oil spout, you know it's ready. Again using oven mitten, pick up can. Pour contents directly into open mouth and swallow normally. Cooking/consumption time: six minutes. Easy clean up.



CORNELIUS BUMPUS, SAXOPHONE, RIVERDALE, CA

"All through the 93 tour, Walter would introduce the horn players by saying that there were "no trumpets, no trombones, no kazoos, just saxophones", and that always got some applause. Every night it was the exact same speech. So Shep and Chris Potter decided that for the last gig of the tour they would get ahold of some trombones and be standing there with them when Walter was giving his little intro, as a joke. So when they finally get to Cleveland, they hook up with the high school music teacher, and comes the band intros, they pick up these borrowed horns. Walter says his bit and turns around to introduce me, and here's these two fools standing up there with the 'bones...except that Shep had already dropped the slide from his, so it didn't look like anything anyway, and Chris had this sheepish look on his face. Walter just laughed and then chopped them with some of his typical nasty humor, which he usually saved for backstage. I try to steer clear of that kind of foolishness, myself."



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